If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
