I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
