This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
