I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
