why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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