Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
