So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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