but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
