My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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