The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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