who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
