i just google imaged poop.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
