New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
