i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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