i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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