The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
