you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
