my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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