I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
