dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
