I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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