Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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