He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
