Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
