Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
