If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
