Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
