Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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