I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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