I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
