how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
