farters have to be the big spoon...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
