So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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