I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize