apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
