I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
