Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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