but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
