I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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