I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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