I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
