he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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