im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
