Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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