he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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