And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
