i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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