If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
