so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
