You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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