my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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Let's celebrate that I used a condom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I forget how to act sober
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