He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
