last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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