So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
