is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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