They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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