That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
