a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
