is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
