I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need moral support for this bender
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
