Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
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i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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