So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
