I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
