Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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